Redeemer Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy Theories from the Corners of Campus

Among the students of Redeemer, there is no shortage of conspiracy theories and campus jokes. From theories about relationships on campus to theories about on-campus food and everything in between, Redeemer students have mastered the art of being skeptical about everyday campus life, because apparently, suspicion is in our nature.

The on campus food has been a topic of discussion for many years. While the food served on campus is unusually good for a university campus, there are a few food items which have been deemed particularly interesting. Students have discussed the theory of Refresh re-serving unsold soup, since many students have never observed any of the soup actually being purchased. We should hope that the expiry date on that soup isn’t coming up anytime soon. There are many theories surrounding the chicken that is sold at the Market, with some students believing that it is not really chicken, but a convincing rubber substitute. Now that would be an interesting chicken farm! 

The vending machines on campus are another mystery. Many students are unaware that these machines even exist, tucked away by the Athletic Center and out of the public eye. Abigail Hoogstra, the Vice President of Finance on Student Senate, was asked for an opinion on the vending machines and her response fits the mystery: “We have vending machines at school??” Some students have speculated that the vending machines are a front, hiding secret entrances within the academic building and to serve as a cover up for a Bible smuggling operation. If you didn’t know Redeemer had vending machines, you aren’t alone… and how long have those snacks been in there, anyways? Maybe they come from the same place as the chicken… 

Other conspiracy theories revolve around the Education students and Housing Advisors. Many students wonder where the Ed students and HA’s can actually be found on campus! One student reports that she has never seen the Ed students in a class, and that they can only be found in the dining room at the round tables. Other students wonder about the roles of the HA’s on campus and what the role actually entails, since HA’s aren’t around the dorm as much as the RA’s and much of their job description remains a mystery. A person might almost come to think that the role of the HA’s is linked to the aforementioned Bible smuggling operation… but this has yet to be confirmed. The secrecy of the Ed students and HA’s leaves room for speculation about secret operations on campus (Bible smuggling? Facilitating underground skunk fight nights? Rubber chicken farming?), but regardless of what we may observe the Ed students and HA’s doing, we’re sure that they are excelling. Ed students and HA’s- we love you and just wish we could see you around more!

Staff members on campus that we couldn’t survive without are the IT guys, but there have been theories floating around for years about whether or not the IT guys actually ever go home. They’re here when people arrive for class, they’re here during the entire school day, they’re here at the end of the day, which begs the question: do the IT guys sleep at Redeemer? Maybe this is what the vending machines are hiding…

One of the most widely talked about topics on campus is the dating life and the way that so many students seem to find themselves involved in romantic relationships once they get to Redeemer. Kylie Pomeroy, a second year student, speculates that Redeemer “puts drugs in our water so we fall in love and get married.” Other students believe that there is something floating in the air which is unique to the Redeemer campus, which could definitely explain the abundance of couples that pop up on campus come springtime. “Love is in the air” takes on a completely different meaning when you’re a first year student on campus!

Even though they have only been on campus for just over a week, the first year students already have their own theories about Redeemer. One first year student claims that “the wire lady comes alive at night” and roams the halls of the academic building. Whether or not this theory is true would be hard to prove, unless a student is unlucky enough to get locked inside school for a whole night. Do we have any volunteers?

These conspiracy theories, and many more, are just some of the things that make Redeemer such a fun and interesting place to study. Good natured joking in the community is nothing new, so all of these theories should be taken with just the tiniest grain of salt. Regardless, they make for a bit of fun in the evenings and add just a bit of spice to the corners of Redeemer’s campus. Let’s just hope these theories don’t keep you up thinking at night…


Corrina Servos