The Death of a Bachelor (‘s Degree)

An Obituary for Fourth Year


The class of Redeemer 2021 was birthed in 2017, the year of our Lord. They arrived fresh faced and naïve, ready to learn, to have fun, and to obtain their ring by spring. Despite leading a full life, the large majority were never able to achieve these goals. It was soon realized that the Lord had different plans for them. These include failed assignments, failed relationships, and failed drug tests. Their second and third years involved dramatic relationships, numerous conflicts with authority figures, very high highs and very low lows. By third year, there was finally a sense of purpose. They began to dream of balanced time management, stable relationships, and classes that weren’t the core. Things were looking up. There was this buzz in the air that seemed to suggest that life was going to be okay. This was short lived. 

By the end of third year, the Class of 2021 received a grim diagnosis. Things were not going as planned. Not only were abroad semesters cut short, but entire senior recitals and shows were dismissed, without so much as a post on the timeout or a page in the yearbook. After a long battle with cabin fever (oops, that’s too soon), there was a glimmer of hope on the horizon. The class could now dine outside of their childhood homes. Some of them even managed to move back to Ancaster with a new spring in their step. Despite the valiant efforts of the Redeemer App to keep everyone healthy and updated, the illness returned, fiercer than ever. The prognosis was not favourable. 

The class was a shadow of its former self. The class rarely left their rooms and homes after dark. Pajamas were on by 2pm and leaving the house for anything other than a trip to McDonalds was not an option. Their phone screen times reached record breaking heights. You were more likely to bump into the class at a Walmart or COVID test center than you were at the school or at a bumpin get together. Things were bleak. 

In February, the illness was deemed terminal. Whatever hope that was left was now nowhere in sight. The prognosis: no graduation, no events in person, no reading break, no no no no NO. In their final days, the class dragged themselves to classes, weary from the constant change and printer outages. The only notifications on their phone were from the Redeemer IT department. Even the fourth year scramble couldn’t brighten their moods. The only thing at their bedside was used masks and dirty dishes. No one holding their hand. No ring on their finger. 

The class passed away stressfully surrounded by textbooks. They are survived by their unused Campus Cash, their unfinished assignments, and their unopened mailboxes. They will surely not be missed, since they were barely present during their final year. 

Should you like to send your condolences, we request that you donate to their student loans that were left unpaid.