By: Brooke Reinink | April 1, 2020
Memes. We love them. Our society can’t function without them. If I had to choose to live without food or memes, I’d go hungry just to prove how serious I am about memes. That’s right, mow down on your grilled steak Karen, I’ll just be enjoying primitive Spongebob memes captioned, “When your friend asks you for gum and the whole class hears”, thank you very much. There’s just something so profoundly genius in a blurry image with improper uses of the words “their, there and they’re”. So if you were blessed with the extraordinarily aesthetic skill of placing text onto pictures, then what’s a better way to use the talents that God gave you and make memes of your university? Meme-Jedi-masters @redeemermemesunderground, @redeememes and @wholesomeredeemermemes (well, they’re more like padawan-level because the funny-force just ain’t with them) act as excellent models for how you can become Redeemer’s meme-lord. Below are the following steps that will allow you to transcend from a meme consumerist to a meme CEO so that you can capitalize off people coping with their self-loathing by giving them other people to laugh at.
Step 0: Do You Even Meme?
If you’re 40 or over, there’s a high chance the only memes you’ve seen are the frauds on Facebook such as minions and country/redneck lifestyle images. Sure, those yellow freaks were Bill Burr to me as a kid but as a kid. Because only under-developed minds find bananas in trousers, standing next to a text that says, “Your father and I are getting a divorce” comical. And the only thing funny about country memes is the fact that people find them funny at all. Wannabe memes aside, using old memes from the time memes were emerging onto social media is cringy too. I’m talking about meme templates like grumpy cat, dat boi, Arthur’s fist and dark Kermit. Okay, they can be used still (I mean I referenced an old one above) but only when you’re experiencing a humour famine. Otherwise, you’re just beating a dead horse. And your daughter likes horses. Please stop, Grandpa.
Check out Reddit for memes that are Hot N’ Ready *little Caesar’s voice*. Or take after @redeemermemesunderground which shows that all it takes is sheer creativity and a trip to the dark web to find a picture of sheep that are actually pale, naked people, huddled cultishly together, to relate a pic to Redeemer life.
Step 1: There’s Everything in a Name
Once you’re fluent in memes, you need to come up with an Instagram username that will catch the attention of Redeemer students. Your memes don’t even have to be that funny to gain a following as @wholesomeredeemermemes has proven. Think of it like this: you’re a hunter that needs to hang something juicy and irresistible in a tree in order to lure the prey to you. The juicy and irresistible lure is your meme account’s username that will captivate classmates into tapping that follow-button like a little fish being mesmerized by an angel-fish’s light. BAM, they’re yours.
Your meme account’s username should reflect the kind of memes you post. @redeemermemesunderground content is as edgy and dark as the name suggests; memes from the underworld. @wholesomeredeemermemes, on the other hand, has content that is friendly, cute and centred on a protagonist. Which is why it should just get rid of “memes” and be “wholesomeredeemer”. But perhaps they are funny to some and my taste is just tainted. (And that, kids, was an example of how sometimes lying makes you a better person!) Then there’s @redeememes. A simple, straight-to-the-point name that has content to show for it. Create a name like this account. It didn’t even have to use the “er” in “redeemer” but shortened it to “redee” and combined it with the “m” from memes. Now that’s English-major brilliance right there.
Step 2: Follow the Leader
You’ve got memes, you’ve got a fire name, now it’s time to start following people on Instagram. You want to follow the kids you never have and never will talk to so that people don’t readily realize that it’s you who runs the account. Staying incognito is key to having a good meme account. You may be so funny that you could make the Queen die of laughter (and she’s immortal so…) but people may not like you. Thus, they may not follow your account simply because it’s yours. I mean, I don’t want to know that I share the same humour as Hillary Clinton, because “ew”. So don’t follow your friends first because they’ll know and the word will get out. Keeping your identity secret is also crucial because you don’t want to come under fire as @redeemermemesunderground can testify to. So follow in the footsteps of @redeememes: convince a professor or two to follow your account, say it’s “so and so” approved by them in your bio and become utterly untouchable. As they say, “If Professor Naaman Wood is for us, who can be against us?” Nevermind that neither professor has liked a single @redeememes photo but they can make the same argument you do when you fall asleep in class and receive a participation mark-your very presence still counts.
Step 3: Dominate, baby
You’re not gonna be the only one in the meme-market. Other skinny, white kids who should be writing their papers for HUM, will be creating memes to rival your own. Ask yourself: what makes my meme account different from the others? Is it having memes that everyone can relate to (not just fourth years taking French-487)? Is it your witty, Instagram captions? You can have hilarious memes like @redeememes but other than that, what else do you offer? @redeememes claims they’re a fan page for @jgords but once again, their claims are really falsehoods, lies, deception- I can’t trust them. And without trust how can you have a relationship with your followers? The answer for those of you who watched Netflix instead of paying attention to REL-110, is you can’t. Anyway, don’t just deliver memes, deliver a culture that crushes all others. It shouldn’t be too hard if you’re white;crushing other cultures is in your blood. To show this in practice, scroll through @redeemermemesunderground. It has a meme-theme which is posting pictures with the caption, “Redeemer at 3 AM:”. It’s so generic that virtually any picture will suffice. @wholesomeredeemermemes is distinguished for several things: Googling stock photos and slapping a Snapchat text-line on them as my little three old cousin does in Sunday School. Having a protagonist constantly promoting his Christian Mingle profile. And finally, encouraging their followers to “cherish others and don’t say bad words”. That sums up Christianity pretty well, I’d say.
Step 4: Get Rekt
You need to prove that you’re the best meme account by absolutely degrading and destroying the other ones. For those of you who thought that making memes was a lovely, little Hallmark hobby, you’re living in the Matrix. Take the red pill and enter the dark, soul-damning arena that is meme-culture. Sorry, @wholesomeredeemermemes but you gotta ditch morals and befriend Darwin when you’re a meme account. In wartime, everyone is the enemy but not everyone has an AK-47 like you. Go out there and make your university ashamed, son!
Memes are an artform. The next generation won’t be learning about Michelangelo or Picasso; they’ll be copying PowerPoint slides of your memes. Take what you do seriously, the future is depending on you. Find that meme template, staple a witty and relatable caption and wait for Redeemer students to choke on their Timbits. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.