“It f****** smells like s*** in there,” expresses an infuriated student when asked how she feels about the cafeteria bathroom. Picture this: You’re walking around Founders Hall. Suddenly, the large Tim’s coffee and farmer’s wrap hits your stomach. There’s no time to walk back to your dorm—what do you do? In a careful study of the washrooms around campus, I interviewed various men and women to get their take on this scenario. What would they do, and better yet, what should you do if you find yourself in this position?
If you were hanging out studying in the commons, your gut instinct when that Tim’s hits is probably to head over to the cafeteria washroom. This, claims an anonymous Redeemer student, is “the worst possible place to take a s***.” Female feedback seems to largely agree with this claim, and yet, lingering smells in the closet-sized washroom argue that not all students are holding their bowel movements for elsewhere.
“Once I saw a t**d outside the toilet. I ran out in horror, barely breathing,” said a repulsed student. Another student suspects that “people specifically hold in their poop to go into that one, drop a bomb, and leave.” A particularly passionate student shared her experience upon entering the caf washroom: “I was f****** horrified when I first walked in. Seeing all those girls standing around in the f****** stanky a** closet just waiting to take a s***.” Another woman agreed that this washroom “smells like b***hole.” All taken into consideration, it is safe to say that if you wish to keep your breathing safe, steer clear of the caf bathroom.
Similar feedback was provided from the male student community. C12 claimed that the “worst [men’s bathroom] is near the caf. It’s small and has dumb mirrors.” M.W. expressed the convenience of this bathroom for a quick solution but agreed that its size is less than ideal.
Time is of the essence, and you need a quick fix for your stomach crisis. Where, then, is your next toilet option? A quick left out of the commons would lead you straight to the washroom outside the library. These washrooms don’t have a much better reputation than the caf ones and could be equally detrimental to your mental well-being while you “go.” One male student explains that this one is the “smallest, has the least amount of options for urinals and stalls, and has negative privacy. If you have to take a s*** and the stall is taken, you have to shamefully retreat.” This retreat leaves you “no recovery,” and has the highest risk of being seen and embarrassed due to its “mega traffic.”
The women’s library washroom has similar reviews. One anonymous source expresses that “it always smell like s***” and frequently encounters unflushed toilets. “I don’t understand why these girls weren’t taught how to flush the toilet as a kid,” she expresses. “It’s honestly shocking and unacceptable.” Another girl addressed the consistent experience of warm toilet seats. “It feels like it could almost be luxurious… The heated seats were nice until I realised they were only warm from the last person’s a** cheeks.” Not only that, but the hand air dryers pose constant annoyance as they are easily triggered by simply standing in the washroom’s small space. M.Z. suggests that the school should “invest in paper towels instead.”
Where, then, is left to go? For ladies, the choice is obvious. Regardless of desperation, the second-floor washroom is the way to go. A.P. says she is a “big fan of the bathroom on the second floor. Lots of stalls and plenty of options.” R.M. agrees that the upstairs washroom is the best, except for the fact that “the soap is always out and water temperatures are weird.” But in a matter of emergency, it is not the handwashing that matters, it is the stall experience. M.Z. vulnerably shared that she “pooped here last week. It was a delight.” And she’s not the only one. Girls of all backgrounds gather in this washroom to enjoy the large stall variety, low-mood lighting, and opportunity to socialize. For the ladies, “it’s worth making the trek upstairs,” claims an anonymous second-year student.
But what about the men? Is it equally worth making this journey all the way upstairs for a more pleasant experience? Some men claim that this upstairs bathroom, though it “feels more private” and is “separate but connected” through its dual sink situation, is only second best. The consensus for best men’s washrooms? All sources claim that the Charis toilets are where you should be. One student claims they are “newer, cleaner, and more technologically advanced.” Another says the one closest to the laundry room is the best because it is “tucked away, never busy, big, and has a stall with its own sink and mirror.” He expresses that while “at other bathrooms you’re not trying to stay in there… [in this one] you just relax.”
C.D. gives the secret tip that the Charis universal washroom is the real winner for a fine experience. “Charis is nicest but not bestest,” but the main floor universal toilet will provide plenty of privacy for all. It would be unrealistic to expect that a commute from the commons should be made just for the more advanced Charis washrooms, though. Given that, any upstairs washrooms would be the best bet for all genders experiencing a toilet crisis.
But what about the runner-ups? There may be limited options of where to “go” on campus, but don’t stop looking for hidden gems and finding what works best for you. And for the ladies, remember that the underrated washroom across the gym holds the only free menstrual products on campus. With a majority female population, it was so kind of the school to offer one source of free period products. But don’t worry, if that washroom is out, there are three more options available at the market for only around $7 to $12 each!
And for all of you who may find yourself in the stressful situation of freeing yourself from that morning Tim’s, take the time you spend in the washroom of your choice to relax and take a break from the stresses of your studies. Use the time to speak with the Lord, rest your mind, or reflect on the little things in life. Most importantly, don’t forget to be grateful for all the washroom options Redeemer offers. <3